Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
