They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
