he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
