Your mouth is God's brothel.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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