Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
