you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
