she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
