Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
