Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
