her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
