google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
