White coat. Heels.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
