I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You were trust falling into bushes
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
