I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
