Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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