I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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