recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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