i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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