It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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