Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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