Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
