i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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