OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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