dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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