tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
