I want you more than these girls want KFC
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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