Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
