if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
