Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
