i jhust puked up my retainher.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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