she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
