I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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