you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
