no, he came in my armpit
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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