It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
