i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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