No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
