Sponge bath it is.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
