somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
