I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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