I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
