I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
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