I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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