turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
