do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
