how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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