What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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