HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
