I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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