I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You have to summon your inner elephant
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
