I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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