there's paper in my vomit.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
this will be a night to untag.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
