the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
