Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
