Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
