this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
